In Bristol alone, at least 25 men lose their lives to suicide every year. It’s a shocking number: 25 men is two football teams plus three officials worth of people. India Farnham chats to Gavin Thorpe, co-founder of men’s mental health charity Talk Club, Lee Gillett of Bristol City Robins Foundation and Adam Tutton from Bristol Rovers Community Trust, about how to use that stat –and a decades-long football rivalry – as a force for change in men’s mental health support. It’s all kicking off… Image: Talk Club Cup 2025, credit Rogan/Bristol City
How are you? Out of 10? Notice how you feel after reading that second question. Suddenly, it’s not possible to shrug off the inquiry with a non-committal ‘I’m fine, thanks.’ Suddenly, your feelings, however big or overwhelming, are put into simple, measurable terms; 10 is on top of the world, and one is rock bottom. Which is why, as Talk Club co-founder Gavin Thorpe tells me, every single one of Talk Club’s ‘Talk and Listen’ groups begin with those exact questions. “We’ll all check in with our numbers, and explain why we’ve chosen them, before passing on the talking ball. We don’t speak over each other, and we don’t try and advise, we just listen.”
Talk Club was launched by a team of six co-founders (including Gavin and his co-CEO Ben Akers) in Southville, at the back of Bristol Beer Factory, in April 2019. Both Gavin and Ben had experienced losing a male loved one to suicide, and wanted to create a community of men who could help each other develop their emotional regulation, their ‘mental fitness’. Gavin describes always having wanted to help others, and finding it rewarding; “That was my role model. My dad was a giver, and I’m a giver. Ben [the other Talk Club CEO] is the same,” he notes. What began online quickly developed into in-person ‘Talk and Listen’ groups of 8-10 men each popping up all over Bristol in accessible, private spaces, each one beginning with a signature check-in.
Today, Talk Club has been endorsed by some big names (head to the website for a snap of Liam Gallagher, among others, donning his ‘How are you? Out of 10? T-shirt); and groups exist not only all over the UK, but all over the world, with Talk Club having a presence in the States, Singapore and Australia too.
What unites every talking group, though, from Sydney to Bristol (where the charity is still proudly based in an attractive open-plan office overlooking Queen’s Square) is its structure, Gavin tells me: “After round one, our check-ins, we do the gratitude round. So we ask the group, what are you grateful for? What are the positives in your life? I used to always start round one like ‘the kids are doing my head in’,” Gavin admits, smiling. “And then in round two I’d be like, ‘I love my kids, they’re so wonderful, and they bring me so much love!’
“Round three is the mental fitness round. So, we discuss which of the big three (diet, sleep and exercise) need to be a focus for us that week.
“And lastly, we do our check-out, asking ourselves again how we are, out of 10. Very rarely will a man’s number go down; generally, we find each session increases a man’s mental fitness by more than 15%.”
How does it feel, I ask Gavin, to walk away from a talking group? “You know, lots of men have told me they get a really warm feeling at the end of a session, and I always tell them that’s oxytocin, the love hormone. When you listen to someone intently, you will feel love. So I’ll always tell the group, what you’re feeling is compassion for your fellow man.”
A numbers game
Whilst support is available for men who are at their rock bottom through Talk Club, the charity encourages men to attend their clubs even when they’re not feeling super low, in order to maintain their mental health. For this reason, Gavin sees Talk Club as being proudly counter-cultural:
“We live in a ‘broken and fix it’ culture,” he explains to me. “The problem with that is that men think ‘well I’m not really sad, so I don’t need to go to Talk Club,’ when in actuality, that’s really the point we’re trying to reach people at – before their numbers start dropping. We’re about keeping numbers up day to day.”
It’s refreshing to hear someone talk men’s wellness in this way.
For Gavin, a practicing therapist, and, as I discover, a talented musician in another life, self-expression is something that comes naturally. But not every man will feel comfortable as he does opening up about their feelings straight away, and that, he tells me, is A-okay.
“We realised pretty early on that sitting down to chat doesn’t work for everyone. So that’s when we set up ‘Talk and Run’, where we do a check-in and then run in pairs, and if the men want to open up, they can.
“Now, we’ve got over 20 different clubs in Bristol, including ‘Talk and Football’, ‘Talk and Trim’, even ‘Talk and Skate’. Any which way we can get to men, we try and do that.”
Kicking it
Enter The Talk Club Cup: an epic annual derby, now entering its second year, designed by the Talk Club team to reach men through the beautiful game. How did the idea for the match come about, I ask Gavin?
“When I discovered that stat about 25 men dying from suicide in Bristol per year, I was really struck by conceptualising that number as two football teams worth of men, plus three officials. And it was my son, actually, who said he’d love to see a City vs. Rovers game. So I thought, why don’t I put those two things together, and raise some awareness?”
Teaming up with Bristol Rovers Community Trust and Bristol City Robins Foundation’s weekly mental health sessions, Robins Talk, Talk Club gathered an epic line-up of ex-players and celebs (including Scott Murray, Lee Brown, Jayde Adams, and Joe Sims) to play in the match at The Memorial Stadium, with all the funds raised going towards supporting the work of the three charities. But this wasn’t the only way the Talk Club Cup made a difference, Gavin tells me earnestly.
“I did a brief speech at halftime, and I let people know we had some Talk Club representatives outside. And you know what, we had loads of men coming up to us, looking for more info. We saw men sneak off from their mates, or pretend to go to the toilet, to come and speak to us about how they were doing. It was amazing.”
And it must have been a special moment for him, to look out at halftime and see all those people supporting men’s mental health?
“Absolutely. I’ll never forget looking out at the stands and seeing the red and white shirts stood together with the blue and white shirts. With City and Rovers, there’s a real rivalry there, so that was a really wonderful image. It felt like the whole city was united.”
Rematch
This year’s Talk Club Cup, which will take place on 22 May, was announced on Blue Monday, with the charities aiming to turn this day into Red and Blue Monday instead. This return match will take place at Ashton Gate, and will continue to support the clubs’ own mental health initiatives alongside Talk Club.
I ask Adam Tutton, CEO of Bristol Rovers Community Trust, what’s being done at the club to break down the stigma in talking about mental health. “Our mission is to create safe spaces,” Adam shares. “Whether that’s through groups supporting older members of society who may be experiencing isolation, our 5K Your Way programme, or our Rebound with Rovers group, every initiative is designed to strengthen our connection to one another.”
At Bristol City Robins Foundation, the official registered charity of Bristol City Football Club, Lee Gillett, Health and Wellbeing Officer, runs his own Robins Talk club, where after checking in (it seems
Talk Club’s mental health lingo is catching on), participants enjoy an hour of friendly six-a-side football before heading to the clubhouse for a proper chat.
Lee wants to challenge the misconception that men lack the ability to care for their own wellbeing. “In reality, many men already use positive coping strategies to maintain and improve their mental health.
“However, this is often overlooked, and the real issue lies in the lack of appropriate support.”
Despite me posing some careful questions about the legendary City/Rovers rivalry to Lee and Adam, neither chose to indulge me on this occasion. It seems men’s mental health really is a uniting cause.
“Whilst the rivalry is deeply rooted, off the pitch, and particularly within the community, we [Bristol City and Bristol Rovers] share a common purpose,” Lee explains. “Both clubs are committed to making a meaningful difference in our local communities.”
“The fact that we can harness the energy of the rivalry to connect with people and potentially save even one life is something that we see as our duty,” Adam agrees. (If anyone’s wondering, though, Rovers won last year’s match.)
To the future
Speaking to me just a few weeks before this year’s Talk Club Cup is set to take place, Gavin is excited, and confident for the future of this proudly Bristolian mental fitness movement, with new talking groups and new initiatives (including a handy check-in app) being set up every single day. “We want to continue doing the Talk Club Cup every year. Maybe in the future we can do a nationwide match!”
What does Gavin hope Talk Club will be remembered for, I wonder?
“For us, it’s got to be the check-ins. It’s such an easy win, to just cut through the noise and find out how your pal is doing. Around the office now, we don’t even say ‘how are you?’ anymore, we just go ‘what’s your number?’ We want everyone checking in!” So, to check-out, I ask you – what’s your number?
Find your closest talking group at talkclub.org, or book tickets for this year’s Talk Club Cup at Ashton Gate on 22 May at bristolsport.co.uk
bcfc.co.uk/robins-foundation | bristolroverscommunity.org.uk
